Medical update, I got the results of the urodynamics test back, and I’ve got an easily fixable problem. I’ll be okay. I’ve also discussed ovary surgery with my surgeon. She said it’s possible but she wants me to think about it. I have an appointment to tell her my decision in April! I’m finally getting better. I’m going to be alright.

Medical update
Done the urodynamic test.
Results will be in by March. I start school on friday. My head and back are in severe pain. 8/10 right now.

Today is an okay day. Minimal back pain at 1 pm. Very tired though. Still confused about the results of my sleep test. I want to sleep. I’m also very nervous about tomorrow’s hospital visit. Might take a nap now.

Turning this into a medical blog to keep track of my progression.
Today’s entry, I found out in two days I’m going for a urodynamic test.
Back brace is annoying.
Back pain is at 5 out of ten.
More tomorrow

I literally cant fucking breathe i keep shaking and crying I fucking hate myself im go ign

I’m fucking seething why am I so stupid

Why am I not dead

I’m emotionally compromised
And I want it to all stop


I am positive
I am an illness that is
Just plain terminal

I feel hollow
My emotions and feelings have been scooped out of me and placed in a jar and I’m nothing but a shell. And I handed the jar to someone who can’t handle it. And I’m watching them shake it and toss it around right in front of my eyes. I’d feel sick if I had the emotions to care. But still I am hollow. I’m so empty. But still I feel sadness. Out of every emotion that was taken from me why couldn’t you task this one. Why did you have to leave me to soak up this vile feeling. I can feel it soaking into every part of my body and it’s saturating me. It’s too late I’m broken and empty please don’t look at me I’m nothing.